When you're at your most stuck, when you are the most desperate for a solution - to find the answer to what you're really meant to be doing with your life that will make you feel inspired and fulfilled - is the time when you are least likely to find it.
Our brains are designed, when feeling negative emotions, to narrow our perspectives so we see only black and white/fight or flight. Which is probably why right now, the only options you feel like you have to consider are:
Quitting
Calling in sick forever
Getting a new job ASAP (even if it's the same kind of thing with all the same problems, at least there's a chance it might be different!)
Becoming a barista or window washer (because although underpaid, at least you'd get a break from all the crap you're currently dealing with!)
(yes, this is more than the two options of black or white, but you get the point!)
But none of these are really what you want, are they?
None of these are really going to address the REAL problem, which is that while you might enjoy the field you originally started out in, and you have a sense of the kind of impact or work you'd like to be doing, you really hate what things are like right now and you have no idea what to do or what to change to make them better.
You feel doomed to work in corporate cubicle boredom forever (or whatever version of this applies to you)!
SO, in order to figure out what you want and how to 'maek' it happen, we have to shift the way you're feeling.
When we feel optimistic, inspired and open, we can look at problems from so many more angles and see so many more solutions we did before.
But how do you get to this positive state where you can solve this conundrum when no solution seems doable or appealing or interesting?
What if, because you just feel so crappy and hopeless, you're talking yourself out of everything? (and talking yourself into a hole of despair?)
In order to start problem solving from a more optimistic perspective, we have to first shift how you're feeling. Because short of quitting or taking a leave of absence, (which are potentially viable possibilities, watch this video for all the ways your next steps might play out), the only way you're going to get out of this is to get out of that rut!
Below is a list of reasons why you might be struggling to find options that feel doable, appealing, and possible right now and ways to change that so you can find a path that gets you unstuck and on your way to truly feeling more fulfilled.
Because you truly are the only one who can find the right answers for you. If I could tell you exactly what to do to fix things, I would! And I'd probably be rich!
Why nothing feels doable, interesting or possible:
Your perspective is all jammed up by negative thoughts and emotions and because negativity limits perspective, you can't see all the options available to you. Â
You're burnt out so you don't have the energy to put towards the solution and can't fathom finding the energy it would require to find a solution.
The crappy stuff you're going through needs to be released in order to create more mental space for solutions and possibility.
What to do to get in a better headspace - so solutions appear to you and seem doable:
1.Release the negative
Vent, acknowledge and validate everything you've experienced and are going through. These thoughts and emotions don't go away by brushing them under the rug. They have a message to tell you, and you need to give them enough room to speak!
Try journaling
Try mindful meditations to get grounded, release and broaden perspective
Acknowledge and validate your negative feelings (see below on how to do this)
2. Focus on self-care and healing
The best type of self-care is the kind with no agenda other than making you feel good. There is escapist, introverted/reflection, fun-inducing, interest-exploring, creative, physical, you-name-it types of self-care.
If you're burnt out, self-care and healing are non-negotiable. If you're at this point, you need an escape. Take a LOA if necessary. Here is a burn-out self assessment you can try.
3. Focus on the next teeny tiny doable step in front of you, not the be-all-end-all solution to your big picture problem.
This might just be identifying what you're going to do for self-care and when! It might be booking a call with a counsellor or life coach (you can book a consult with me here anytime!).
The first step for most of my clients involves things like:
Chatting with their partner about how they're feeling
Setting boundaries about what to stop doing
Identifying what they like to do and when they want to do it (see below!)
4. Spend time doing things you like, that you're good at, to remind yourself of your strengths and skills and to boost your confidence. For a post on FLOW and why it's so important and how to do it, click here.
5. Create space for, and sit in possibility.
Try visualization meditations (this is my favourite, but I also like Jen M. Diaz' and Gabby Bernstein for mindset work), reading success stories (without critisizing), or revisiting old dreams and exploring how they may have changed.
For this step to work, you have to set aside your negative thinking. Write down all those naysaying thoughts in a journal and put it aside so they won't be front and center trying to catch your attention and interrupt. Tell yourself this is just an exercise and ask your brain to humour you. Otherwise, you'll find yourself thinking "this is dumb" the whole time. Be willing to see where it might lead and see what happens!
Once you start to shift your energy from hopeless and stuck to possibility, positivity and inspiration, you will be SO much closer to figuring out what your next move is!
If you want to learn more about how to get unstuck, get out of your own way, figure out your next move and 'maek' it happen, click here!
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